What Anxiety Really Is.

by Hansini

You know that feeling when you miss a step on the stairs and your stomach lurches? Well, imagine feeling that twist in your stomach for a much longer time. CONSTANTLY .

OR

Ever faced this:

12:03 a.m.

something feels wrong.

12:05 a.m.

something bad is going to happen.

12:08 a.m.

I’m a failure, everyone hates me , I need out.

12:10 a.m.

calm down just try to breathe.

12:12 a.m.

you’re going to be okay.

12:14 a.m.

you’re okay.

Meet anxiety– It makes you sit there and overthink every single thing there is . At times it’s gonna make you believe that the people in your life are leaving you.You begin to feel abandoned.

So what do you do?

You push them away for the fear of being hurt. You push them away so they can’t discard you or leave you. When in reality, nobody was ever leaving. Anxiety this bad makes you leave the ones you love and believe you me, it sucks!

So for those of you who say “Anxiety isn’t that bad” – YES IT IS.

Anxiety is the feeling where you stay up at night , stare at your ceiling, ask yourself an infinite number of questions, then sit there and debate on whether or not you actually want to know the answer. It’s the feeling where you wonder who truly cares about you and who is with you just for the ride; who is there for you through thick and thin and who’s desperately waiting for you to fail. The feeling where you are constantly doubting yourself , convinced you’re not good enough and that you’d never be; that you need to be this, this and this to be successful and liked. It is the feeling where you get so frustrated that it’s physically impossible to be 100% happy . You want someone to vent to but no one will understand you. The feeling where you question your value, your worth, your pride, yourself, everything… and you think. over think. all night. all you’re left with, is you, yourself , and a very dark place.

It is so much more than “Just Worrying“. It’s learning how to function with sleep deprivation because it took you until 3 am to finally shut your eyes. It’s what makes you toss and turn the whole night coz your mind can’t have enough of the scenarios it’s creating in your head.

Anxiety is every text replied embarrassingly fast . It’s when you can’t word your sentences properly and mess them up.

Anxiety is an unanswered text that kills you inside even though you tell yourself, ‘maybe they’re busy or will answer later.’  but  then you find that nagging voice at the back of your mind telling you ‘They’re deliberately ignoring you.’

It’s when you’re constantly hoping for the phone to ring, the conversation to not end. It is when you are forever waiting for this one person to ask you about your fears and the demons that keep you up at night.

Anxiety is the uneasiness at a party because you think all eyes are on you and no one wants you there. Anxiety is that extra shot you take and it seems like you’re finally relaxing. Until you wake up the next day hung over, full of regret and wondering what you said to who and do you owe them an apology?

Anxiety is a constant state of worrying and panicking and being on the edge. It’s irrational fears.

Because ANXIETY finds its roots in people who care a little too much, who depend a little too much and who love a little too much. It creeps in every night like a loyal partner, when you turn off the lights, settles in next to you and starts humming the lullaby that is meant to question your very being.

Anxiety is waking up tired even though your day just started.

It makes you want to be in complete control of things because anything out of the blue, anything unexpected throws you off balance.

But more than anything, Anxiety is Caring and wanting to be cared for. It’s that feeling where you don’t wanna hurt someone, you don’t wanna do any wrong. You just want to love and be loved. Nothing less.

So when you find yourself wrapped in its arms, remind yourself to BREATHE.

Remind yourself you’re going to be okay. Breathe, and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared , and that you survived it. Breathe, and you know you can survive it this time too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and almost choking you, but you can sit through them, and eventually they’ll pass. They always do. Maybe, not immediately, but soon enough, they’re going to fade. And when they do, you are going to look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbeatable right now but keep breathing, again and again. Inhale. Exhale.

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